If you are easily offended by somewhat harsh language then perhaps you should avoid watching the clip above. I normally don't post too many things like this but it seemed so on-point that I just couldn't resist. The subject: how to make news out nothing at all.
I figure the poor people at the Chinese spy center must work some long hours, so I can throw in this knee-slapper in case they have had a hard day at the mystery office, reading other people’s email and such. By the way, I read the translation for this joke and it wasn’t all that funny. But if they ARE listening, I wish they would send me a lot of new visitors to my blog!
The challenge was to eliminate some key part of a photograph using Photoshop for a humorous effect. Here are a couple of my favorites but do.. do ..do check out the others at the link below.
Check out the rest of the entries at: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/invisible/
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Russian
Джордж Буш и его veep работает мат, Дик Чейни говорил, , когда Джордж сказал: "Я ненавижу все немые Джордж шутки люди говорят обо мне".
Мудрый старый Чейни, чувствуя, простите за старый босс парень, сказал мудрец типа, "Ах, они лишь шутки. Есть много глупых людей там. Здесь, я буду доказывать это на тебя".
Теперь Чейни, чтобы покровительствовать Джордж W, взял его на улицу и приветствовали водитель такси.
"Пожалуйста, мне до 29 Никель улице видеть, если я дома", сказал Чейни.
Кабина водителя, не сказав ни слова вынудили их Никель улице, и когда они наконец вышли, Чейни посмотрел на Джорджа и сказал: "Смотрите! Этот парень был действительно глупо!"
"Не шутите", ответил Джордж "Был телефоны просто за углом ...Вы могли бы призвали вместо этого? "
Portuguese
George W. Bush e sua veep vice, Dick Cheney estavam conversando, George W. quando disse: "Eu odeio todas as mudos George W. cidadãos dizer piadas sobre mim."
Wise Old Cheney, sentindo pena de seu antigo chefe criança, salva-como disse, "Oh, eles são só brincadeiras. Verifica são um monte de gente estúpida por aí. Aqui, eu vou provar isso a você."
Agora Cheney, para amparar George W, levou-o fora e aclamada um taxista.
"Por favor, pegue-me Nickel para 29 Street para ver se estou casa", disse Cheney.
O motorista de táxi sem dizer uma palavra conduzi-los ao níquel Street, e quando finalmente saiu, George W. Cheney olhou e disse: "Veja! Aquele cara era realmente estúpido!"
"Não me digas," respondeu George W. "Havia um telefone público mesmo ao virar da esquina ...Você poderia ter chamado vez? "
French
George W. Bush et de son candidat à la vice-veep, Dick Cheney était question, lorsque George W. dit, "Je hais tous les muets George W. gens racontent des blagues sur moi."
Wise Old Cheney, le sentiment désolé pour son ancien patron enfant, dit-sage comme: «Oh, ils ne sont que des blagues. Il ya beaucoup de gens stupides là-bas. Ici, je vais le prouver à vous."
Maintenant, Cheney, à fréquenter George W, a lui salué l'extérieur et un chauffeur de taxi.
"S'il vous plaît prenez-moi au 29, rue de nickel pour voir si je suis», a déclaré Cheney.
Le chauffeur de taxi sans dire un mot conduit à la rue de nickel, et quand ils sont sortis finalement, Cheney a examiné et George W. dit, "Voyez! Ce mec est vraiment stupide!"
"Sans blague", a répondu George W. «Il y avait un téléphone juste au coin de la rue ...Vous pourriez avoir lieu appelé? "
A Montreal radio station recently pulled a prank on Sarah Palin, it seems. Here is the result. This is possibly one of the most humiliating experiences a politician could possibly have. It is so devastating that it is hard to imagine her embarrassment. What kind of people does she have working for her there? Check it out for yourselves and please leave you comments
Sarah Palin: This is Sarah.
Masked Avengers: Ah, yeah, Gov. Palin.
Palin: Hello.
Avengers: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.
P: Oh, it’s not him yet, they’re saying. I always do that.
A: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.
P: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?
A: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?
P: Oh, it’s so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.
A: Oh, it’s a pleasure.
P: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.
A: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday( Fact check: actually a french singer / actor who does Elvis impersonations), you know?
P: Yes, good.
A: Excellent. Are you confident?
P: Very confident and we’re thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and…
A: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?
P: I feel so good. I feel like we’re in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.
A: You see, I got elected in France because I’m real and you seem to be someone who’s real, as well.
P: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.
A: You know I see you as a president one day, too.
P: Maybe in eight years.
A: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favourite activities is to hunt, too.
P: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.
A: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in French, onpourrait tuer des bebe phoque s, aussi.(Translation: “One could kill out all the baby seals, too”.)
P: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we’re getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.
A: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun. I’d really love to go, so long as we don’t bring along Vice-President Cheney.
P: No, I’ll be a careful shot, yes.
A: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That’s kind of less interesting than you.
P: Well, see, we’re right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.
A: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren’t experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that’s completely false. That’s the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse…(FACT CHECK: Not prime minister - but a singer - shouldn’t she know who the PM of Canada really is, though?).
P: Well, he’s doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.
A: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois (Fact check: Quebec comedian and radio host), have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies?
P: I haven’t seen him at one of the rallies but it’s been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness, you’ve added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.
A: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.
P: Well, give her a big hug for me.
A: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she’s so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.
P: Oh my goodness, I didn’t know that.
A: Yes, in French it’s called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber…it’s his life, Joe the Plumber. (Really translates to: “of lipstick on a pig”)
P: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.
A: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That’s not your husband, right?
P: That’s not my husband but he’s a normal American who just works hard and doesn’t want government to take his money.
A: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It’s called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit.
P: Right, that’s what it’s all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You’re a very good example for us here.
A: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn’t an ally as much as usual.
P: Yeah, that’s what we’re up against.
A: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler’s Nailin’ Paylin? (Fact Check: A Porn Parody on Sarah Pailin. )
P: Ohh, good, thank you, yes.
A: That was really edgy.
P: Well, good.
A: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you’ve been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.
P: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?
A: CKOI in Montreal.
P: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.
A: CK…hello?
McCain expresses voter reaction to his performance in last night's final debate with Obama. (Just plain embarrassing and strange!)
