Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tommy Cooper's Jokes
A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
Man says, Why? The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbors'
'Went to the doctors - he said "You've got four minutes to live" I said "Is there anything you can give me?" He said "A boiled egg?"'
I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
A man goes to the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist says: 'What's the problem?' The man says, 'I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac. 'The psychiatrist says, 'Here take these tablets and if you're no better in a week' ..... 'Bring me a color TV'.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Attack of Banana Man
Deputies arrest man in banana costume with shotgun
By Paige Dickerson
Peninsula Daily News
PORT ANGELES -- A man in a 
child's banana costume and a friend were arrested after a string of events led Clallam County Sheriff's deputies to corner their car on Old Olympic Highway on Tuesday evening.
Carlton Jeffery Kohnert, 21, who is apparently in the Marine Reserve, was arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment, aiming or discharging a weapon and indecent exposure, said Clallam County Sheriff's Sgt. Randy Pieper.
Police believe Kohnert -- fully costumed in the yellow banana costume -- exposed himself to a woman at the Port Angeles Wendy's restaurant and drove through Four Seasons Ranch brandishing a shotgun.
Anthony Marks Maybury, 21, was arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. An 18-year-old woman was in the car with them, but Pieper did not name her because she was not arrested nor is she thought to be involved in any crimes.
"The banana costume has been seized and put into evidence," Pieper said.
"[Kohnert] couldn't really tell us why he was in the costume.
"All we know is he was drinking earlier in the day, but he didn't really have a reason for the costume."
The Port Angeles Police Department received the first report about a costumed man at about 6 p.m., after he was seen at Wendy's, Pieper said.
After leaving Wendy's in a Dodge Stratus, Kohnert -- the costumed man -- and Maybury drove to Saar's Market on U.S. Highway 101 on the east side of Port Angeles, Pieper said.
"They then were called in for a car doing a burnout -- in other words pulling 360s in the Saar's Market parking lot," Pieper said.
"They did not, it appears, get out at Saar's, though."
After leaving Port Angeles, the group made a stop at Four Seasons Ranch, where Kohnert -- still dressed in the banana costume -- got out, brandished a shotgun and began yelling, Pieper said.
"We believe he was yelling something or other about white supremacy," Pieper said.
Deputies arrest man in banana costume with shotgun
By Paige Dickerson
Peninsula Daily News
PORT ANGELES -- A man in a
Carlton Jeffery Kohnert, 21, who is apparently in the Marine Reserve, was arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment, aiming or discharging a weapon and indecent exposure, said Clallam County Sheriff's Sgt. Randy Pieper.
Police believe Kohnert -- fully costumed in the yellow banana costume -- exposed himself to a woman at the Port Angeles Wendy's restaurant and drove through Four Seasons Ranch brandishing a shotgun.
Anthony Marks Maybury, 21, was arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. An 18-year-old woman was in the car with them, but Pieper did not name her because she was not arrested nor is she thought to be involved in any crimes.
"The banana costume has been seized and put into evidence," Pieper said.
"[Kohnert] couldn't really tell us why he was in the costume.
"All we know is he was drinking earlier in the day, but he didn't really have a reason for the costume."
The Port Angeles Police Department received the first report about a costumed man at about 6 p.m., after he was seen at Wendy's, Pieper said.
After leaving Wendy's in a Dodge Stratus, Kohnert -- the costumed man -- and Maybury drove to Saar's Market on U.S. Highway 101 on the east side of Port Angeles, Pieper said.
"They then were called in for a car doing a burnout -- in other words pulling 360s in the Saar's Market parking lot," Pieper said.
"They did not, it appears, get out at Saar's, though."
After leaving Port Angeles, the group made a stop at Four Seasons Ranch, where Kohnert -- still dressed in the banana costume -- got out, brandished a shotgun and began yelling, Pieper said.
"We believe he was yelling something or other about white supremacy," Pieper said.
That last sentence, I take it, was the punch line. Never one to leave well enough alone, I searched for a little bit more on Banana man and found this.
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Is this some kind of weird form of war-related post traumatic shock syndrome? You know, it's sad and quite a comment on my own weirdness, but the only thing that absolutely shocked me was the fact it was a child's banana costume. Go figure..
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Goddess for the Stone Age
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In an article in September 2010 issue of Anthro Magazine, Professors Iris McCase and Philip DeGloss reveal the existence of the Shaka, a primitive tribe in Sub-Saharan Africa who worship a female deity that called "Sah-Rah Pah-Lan."
"At first, we assumed it was merely a strange coincidence." reports Prof. McCase. "However, when tribal leaders proudly displayed their life-sized brightly painted idols we recognized the resemblance instantly. It was definitely Sarah Palin's likeness. They were kind enough to let us take photographs on a statue they had carved of their supreme goddess."
Carved figure of the White Goddess, Sah-Ra-Pa-Lan
"Since the construction of the Omigot Dam to the north of the area in the 1970s, the tribe has been cut off from all outside contact. Therefore we cannot attribute this coincidence to cultural cross-contamination."
The Shaka have lived in their present primitive condition for the last thousand and have no wish to join the larger world. Their isolationist ideas are matched only by their aggressive attitudes to foreign interference. Strangely enough, the Shaka are not above forming gangs and raiding villages to obtain scarce resources.
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| Speaking through a translator, Tribal Chief Rik-ush LimBo told the investigators, "We worship the white goddess, Sah-Ra Pah-Lan. She is the Mother of the Universe and Bringer of all sweetness. We wish for her to come down from her throne in the sky and lead us." |
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| The similarities to the former politician, however, do not stop there. For example, according to the researchers, the Goddess Sah-Ra pah-lan lives in a sky village called Wizz-Zalla. According to Shaka mythology, the goddess lives with her companion Towad and her large half-human, half animal off-spring. |
| As Prof. DeGloss pointed out, "During many of the colorful dance rituals- which often include blood-letting and body-piercing- the entire tribe will gather in a huge circle, drop to the knees in a orgiastic frenzy and shout 'Oh, Ub Etcha.'" |
As a disclaimer, Nomadic View makes no claims for the authenticity of the articles. The articles are merely meant to be enjoyed for their entertainment value. Tabloid articles on famous people like Sarah Palin, are probably not factual but then, have you ever seen a factual tabloid news story?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Case of the Missing Mouse
In November, at a burglary scene near Seneca, S.C., deputies found Noah Smith, 31, naked and apparently drugged, perhaps on hallucinogenic mushrooms, and with a string-like object protruding from his buttocks. Smith was X-rayed, revealing (according to the deputies' report, which made its way to the Internet) that the object in his rectum was a "mouse."
However, several days later, the sheriff's office clarified that the object was a "computer mouse." Smith told emergency room personnel that he had no memory of the incident.
[WCSC-TV (Charleston, S.C.), 11-8-10]
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/nw101219.html
LiveJournal Tags: Weird News
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Toothpick Story
While I cannot verify the veracity of this details of this story, I can say that it was most likely told to me as factual.
On a trip to the far eastern regions of Turkey, my friend and his traveling companion, after long and tedious hours of driving, grew rather famished and began to hunt for some roadside restaurant. Eventually, they found a place which Americans would consider an equivalent to a "greasy spoon."
For the benefit of those who have never been to Turkey I will attempt to describe the typical diner of this sort.
The proprietor, a paunchy mustached man, sits at his podium like desk, with his bottle of cologne and dish of cloves. At the rear, in front of the open heath oven, a bare-armed "chef" waits expectantly for his order, flipping a larval pad of dough back and forth and sneaks regular drags from his cigarette. There is always a surplus of waiters. All of them seem to have lost the natural ability to smile. The teenage nephew of the owner who portrays your waiter likes to watch television and has the magical ability to transport himself anywhere in his mind.
On the wall, you'll find an aged mural of Mecca hangs, showing a great arch of marching white-toga-ed pilgrims revolving around a holy cube. The blue "evil eye" talisman covers all the pagan rites while the predictable print of Ataturk, somewhat faded, takes care of secularism. So, after a glance around, you chose a table from all the other empty ones and you sit in the white plastic chair that gives ominously like an overloaded pack animal.
The pide- a kind of Turkish pizza- was nothing to write home about but it did satisfy the immediate need. The ayran- a buttermilk concoction- was thick and rich and pleasantly sour.
"Excuse me," my friend asked the boy passing by. "Could you please bring me a toothpick?"
The boy waiter looked nervously back at the owner who, watching from the distance, half-stood.
"Let me ask." the boy told the confused patrons.
After some feverish whispering between the waiter and his boss, the owner stepped forward. " Yes, Can I help you?"
"We just asked for toothpicks."
"Ah," the owner said with a decidedly unhappy glare. "We used to offer those to our customers, but we stopped this practice."
"And.. why?"
"Yes, well, last summer we had some visitors here from the west of Turkey. Istanbul or Izmir. And like yourselves, they asked for toothpicks. I was quite happy to oblige."
There was a pregnant moment of silence. "We were shocked, however, to find that they had not bothered to put them back when they were finished."
That's the story as it was related to me many years ago. When my story-telling friend concluded, I asked him, "Is that true?" He nodded and then shrugged as Turks are wont to do. I have thought about this story many times, unable to be fully persuaded that it could ever have happened. I'd like to think I was the victim of some joke.
Still, as Mark Twain once said, there is a "dismal plausibility about it that took all the humor out of it."
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Bert Punishment
A TEENAGER caught shoplifting in Virginia was made to dress up as a "Sesame Street" character for punishment.
Costume store owner Andrew Perry caught the 18-year-old but rather than calling the police, he made the unidentified teen dress as Bert - from Bert and Ernie - and carry a sign saying he was a shoplifter, the US ABC News reported.
Mr. Perry said he did not want to press charges, because a criminal record would have harmed the teen's future. The shoplifter, who said the punishment was an effective lesson, had to spend six hours over two days in costume with the sign in front of the store, according to reports.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Eye-Witness Account
I love this woman's style of narration although, I suppose, in real life, she would drive me nuts on a day to day basis.
Friday, August 20, 2010
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